Speck in his eye, plank in mine

Working with J has proven to be a challenging experience.

Granted, this is on a social basis, and that we have been friendly. I thought that PB's frustration with him, saying that "between the two of them was a yawning generation gap that could not be breached", was nothing but a gross exaggeration.

Little did I know that I would be enduring the same problem with him.

Well, to begin with, I had a fairly good impression of him. He appeared devout; while long-winded, he was steady.

However, past incidences has caused me to hurriedly review my estimate of the man. Unfortunately, each revision brought new sinking lows in my esteem for him.

These past incidences are too much for me to recount. Perception and reality are just two polar opposites in the case of J.

What he appears to be, to the casual observer, is not what he is, to the thoughtful observer.

I think the point he made about seeking out a haunted house as a challenge for bravado, as part of the retreat programme, nearly made me flip. It was totally uncalled for and unedifying.

What little regard I had for him, was, as I put it, somewhat like the STI breaking records - nose-diving to an all-time low.

But then, I was guilty of being judgemental too soon.

During an earlier recce trip, I was shooting photos of temples and hoping to use them as part of the quiz. However, JH, who processed the shots before emailing to me, wondered if they are appropriate for our use in this context.

Strangely, I didn't manage to open the emails till yesterday, following the weekend when I flipped over J's uncalled for suggestion.

I wrote back to JH, thanking him for the photos and agreeing with him that the photos should not be used. I didn't think that they were inappropriate then, as during my own trips, I'm very used to shooting religious icons and complexes.

This was indeed a wake up call from God, who has displayed a wonderful sense of humour, timing and purpose in reminding me about being judgemental, even as I made the same mistake that I so disliked in another.

Esther and Kat were advising me that to work this thing around, I've got to readjust my perception and expectations. Kat was kindly in telling me that she herself felt frustrated dealing with J (and it was only for 2 hours), while I had been biting my tongue for the past 6 months before keeling over in frustration.

And the moral of the story was plain to see.

God grant me patience and forebearance, even as I have so little of it and need it.

A 2nd lesson that I've learnt was that silence, as what Kingsley always said, can achieve a lot of things.

There's no need for me to lose my temper on anyone. And sometimes the best way of handling something, was to allow others to step in to my defence.

Hmm.