Voices.. Virtual or Otherwise

It was so good to hear his voice again.

Even over miles and miles of land and ocean, while nursing a cough, a slightly hoarse-voiced Kingsley still managed to help me out in my rail bookings. Ben, online over at Yahoo messanger, wrote cheerily about him, Meng and the Ongs expecting my arrival.

And the arrival of his jar of homemade chilli sauce no doubt! :)

It was surreal to say the least. How even in a few scanty words, you can still feel the warmth, concern and regard for folks whom you've known for a decade.

The power of words indeed. No wonder James says that the tongue is indeed something to be tamed, capable of good, equally capable of evil as well.

I'm truly grateful and blessed to have kind folks like them as my pals.

Half Afraid

That's what I'm experiencing right now.

It struck me that this journey of mine is going to reveal a lot about me than I care to admit. I'm quite afraid to see what that would be.

Oh, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that the trip was something I shouldn't do. Revelation necessitates action.

It's just that I want to clap my hands over my ears, my ears to shut it out.

I can't. I won't. That's a coward's way of living. I've been fleeing from what I know was true, all along.

To come out of my comfort zone. To heal. To try again in two primary areas of my life.

Kat said that I must go forth with conviction and that it will be very different this time. It can turn out sweet.

I mustn't be taken as an emotional hostage by what happened the last time, such that I'm plagued with memories of a sad homecoming replaying again in my wretched mind. Ben and Kingsley were very concerned and over lunch, even Christine saw how my face looked downcast whenever my last trip was mentioned.

Well, at the very least, I'll just go with the flow and enjoy a hard-earned break. At the most, a fulfillment of something that He has for me.

I am afraid, yet, I will trust. I have to expect great things from Him.

It's all that I've got, being what I am. I have nothing to lose.

Nothing. :)

Love and Its Ripple Effect

Ellen broke the good news to me that Andrew has just proposed. The answer was given by way of her wearing the ring on her fourth finger.

Thinking back, I marvelled at how things have turned out.

How, over initial objections and obstacles, both she (and Phne) overcame them to begin a new journey with their respective spouses. Indeed, time will reveal what kind of person you are, and how the pressures of life will make or break a person. The recent tragic incident only goes to prove that Mart is indeed a worthy man to be trusted with, to lead his family through both the blessings and tragedies that life, or fate, or whatever you choose to believe in, throws at you.

Ellen and I were mulling over this point at lunch. Not all love relationships are smooth-sailing. I've witnessed many which were not trouble-free. There were those that had to overcome racial prejudice, and it took an accident to turn around the finicky future mother-in-law to finally give her blessings. Financial concerns (being the most common obstacle) were cited as break-up reasons, or reasons to spur the couple to prove others wrong.

Even a simple love relationship generated plenty of talk (friendly or otherwise), concern, and worst of all, nosyness and speculative drivel. I for one, have no patience for speculations and gossip. It must have been an occupational hazard, but I found myself trying to suss out the source of something which I heard was unfair, unwarranted and obviously, if taken wrongly, will wreck something that is beautiful.

Being someone who is employed for the last 9 years to manage information, create illusions/news, and making bad news sound good and good news, even better, it disturbs me greatly to see others lacing something that is essentially good, with poison.

While they have told me that there is nothing to worry about and that gossip would not harm them, still, I'm curious. Why now? What motives? Is this the equivalent of Hollywood celebrities being hounded by the paparazzi?! Even in these circles? Hard to believe, but true.

Where there are humans, then there will be envy.

Even amongst those who should know better.

A Review ... So Far

It's exactly been a month since I last worked. It was great having finally some time to myself, relaxing, enjoying my time with my mum, family and friends.

Phne is looking good and I'm glad that she is slowly recovering from her loss. Healing does takes time and only if we allow it, then can it start.

My healing has also begun too. I'm not sure which way I'll go, but as long as I'm strong and courageous, and trust, I will survive.

And survive I will. Despite the pain, questions and unhappiness.